The statement by FBI special agent Matthew DeSarno following this weekend’s hostage-taking situation in Texas that the incident “was not specifically related to the Jewish community” was proved to be true! Fakin’News exclusive!

We gathered information from witnesses, and carefully listened to the recordings form the incident. Here is what we found:

Malik Faisal Akram, the terrorist killed after taking hostages in a synagogue in Colleyville, TX, was sure he was walking into a Burger King, our sources confirm. He demanded food, and asked for a burger with extra bacon. Here is the full conversation in that exchange:

Malik: And I DEMAND a burger with EXTRA bacon!!!
FBI: You can only get plain pizza.
Malik: What the hell?
FBI: It has to be kosher.
Malik, to Rabbi Charlie: WTF, you guys are Jewish???!!!!

And there you have it. Total coincidence. All he really wanted that day was some bacon on his burger.

The post The FBI was right! Texas Synagogue Attack Was NOT an Anti-Semitic act!!! appeared first on Opine Away.

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Get in on the action! Living in LA? Just visiting? Use our maps to find the best locations and schedule to do a little SmashN’Grab!

We have special rates for the holidays! Visit www.LA-Loot-Sched.defund for LA maps, and www.Loot-USA.defund for a list of other great Equal Distribution location all over the US!

*Coming soon, global maps for your global vacations!

The post LA Star Maps are out, Equal Distribution Maps are in! appeared first on Opine Away.

Exclusive on Opine Away! The new flavor we all wish didn’t happen!

The post Ben & Jerky’s New Flavor appeared first on Opine Away.

Facebook just announced they are changing their name to Meta. They predict the future!

In Hebrew, if you say about a company that it is “meta” (מתה) it means that it is dead. Literally. A “meta” company is a dead company.

You heard it first here. Can’t wait!

I cracked up when I heard it.

The post Facebook Is Dead!!! And it Predicts the Future! appeared first on Opine Away.

Exclusive Opine Away! Biden on the gas problem!

The post Biden Gas Problem appeared first on Opine Away.

This just in! There is suddenly a huge demand for all types of beans. An investigation and survey done by Fakin’News is now revealing the real reason behind it. As people hear that gas prices got so high, they rush to get beans.

The post Demand for Beans Just got Sky-high! appeared first on Opine Away.

Acronymania.

The post Acronymania appeared first on Opine Away.

Fakin’News is the place to see it all! Biden comments about our control of the Gafkanitan and Balitan situation!

The post Biden has full Gasp of the situation! appeared first on Opine Away.

Hot Fakin’News!

Another text to speech from the Biden administration!
Only on Fakin’News from blackglovedchef.com ! We are in full control!!!!

The post Another Biden Text To Speech! In Full Control! appeared first on Opine Away.