The statement by FBI special agent Matthew DeSarno following this weekend’s hostage-taking situation in Texas that the incident “was not specifically related to the Jewish community” was proved to be true! Fakin’News exclusive!
We gathered information from witnesses, and carefully listened to the recordings form the incident. Here is what we found:
Malik Faisal Akram, the terrorist killed after taking hostages in a synagogue in Colleyville, TX, was sure he was walking into a Burger King, our sources confirm. He demanded food, and asked for a burger with extra bacon. Here is the full conversation in that exchange:
Malik: And I DEMAND a burger with EXTRA bacon!!!
FBI: You can only get plain pizza.
Malik: What the hell?
FBI: It has to be kosher.
Malik, to Rabbi Charlie: WTF, you guys are Jewish???!!!!
And there you have it. Total coincidence. All he really wanted that day was some bacon on his burger.