According to the CDC, the Center of Delusion Control and Proliferation, the main symptoms are severe incompetence, lack of managerial skills, hardheadedness, intolerance, childish behavior, lack of willingness to listen to others, pathological lying, ass-covering, misinformation, wokeness, cancel cloture, in some cases can be manifested as extreme low IQ, complete dopiness and even senility. Other symptoms were observed to the level of disbelief. For the full list of symptoms please listen to the news, it’s easy to figure it out if you have half a brain and look at the facts. Or just listen to people talking at the gas pump or the supermarket, it’s very revealing.

But there is hope. According to recent studies, the Pandemic has a good chance to shrink and will be semi-controlled by the end of 2022, with an optimistic prediction of a real improvement by the end of 2024 or early 2025. In good we trust.

The post New Pandemic – Donkey Schmucks appeared first on Opine Away.

The statement by FBI special agent Matthew DeSarno following this weekend’s hostage-taking situation in Texas that the incident “was not specifically related to the Jewish community” was proved to be true! Fakin’News exclusive!

We gathered information from witnesses, and carefully listened to the recordings form the incident. Here is what we found:

Malik Faisal Akram, the terrorist killed after taking hostages in a synagogue in Colleyville, TX, was sure he was walking into a Burger King, our sources confirm. He demanded food, and asked for a burger with extra bacon. Here is the full conversation in that exchange:

Malik: And I DEMAND a burger with EXTRA bacon!!!
FBI: You can only get plain pizza.
Malik: What the hell?
FBI: It has to be kosher.
Malik, to Rabbi Charlie: WTF, you guys are Jewish???!!!!

And there you have it. Total coincidence. All he really wanted that day was some bacon on his burger.

The post The FBI was right! Texas Synagogue Attack Was NOT an Anti-Semitic act!!! appeared first on Opine Away.

Get in on the action! Living in LA? Just visiting? Use our maps to find the best locations and schedule to do a little SmashN’Grab!

We have special rates for the holidays! Visit www.LA-Loot-Sched.defund for LA maps, and www.Loot-USA.defund for a list of other great Equal Distribution location all over the US!

*Coming soon, global maps for your global vacations!

The post LA Star Maps are out, Equal Distribution Maps are in! appeared first on Opine Away.

They are making it an official annual event! The Friday before Thanksgiving will now be called Smash & Grab Friday. There’s nothing like free crap to show the holidays spirit.

A source in the well established CCA (Criminal Consumer Association) just leaked that as part of Criminal Prime the Friday will be extended and become Smash & Grab Friday Week, to give enough time and opportunities to Lowlifes across the nation to take advantage of it. You can sign up to Criminal Prime on the CCA website where you can purchase a weekly extortion subscription for the service.

In a statement to Fakin’News JJ “Hotstepper” Jones, an LLM (Lowlives Matter) official, stated “Yep, if we can get in who’s gonna stop us? And if we’re already there, we can’t leave empty handed, after all it’s the holidays and shit”.

The post Shop For FREE! Smash & Grab Friday appeared first on Opine Away.

Exclusive on Opine Away! The new flavor we all wish didn’t happen!

The post Ben & Jerky’s New Flavor appeared first on Opine Away.

Facebook just announced they are changing their name to Meta. They predict the future!

In Hebrew, if you say about a company that it is “meta” (מתה) it means that it is dead. Literally. A “meta” company is a dead company.

You heard it first here. Can’t wait!

I cracked up when I heard it.

The post Facebook Is Dead!!! And it Predicts the Future! appeared first on Opine Away.

Exclusive Opine Away! Biden on the gas problem!

The post Biden Gas Problem appeared first on Opine Away.

This just in! There is suddenly a huge demand for all types of beans. An investigation and survey done by Fakin’News is now revealing the real reason behind it. As people hear that gas prices got so high, they rush to get beans.

The post Demand for Beans Just got Sky-high! appeared first on Opine Away.

Acronymania.

The post Acronymania appeared first on Opine Away.

Fakin’News is the place to see it all! Biden comments about our control of the Gafkanitan and Balitan situation!

The post Biden has full Gasp of the situation! appeared first on Opine Away.