As part of the military effort to make the US Army more gender and race neutral, it was announced that the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base will be renamed. If approved by some general with lots of striped thingies on his chest, the base will be called, starting as soon as next week, “Guantanamo Gay”.
The move follows other new changes such as using only lavender scented pink towels for waterboarding, and purple flare tracer bullets. Also rifle barrels will now be made less phallic looking.
The name change will be officially announced in a ceremony that will present, for the first time every, gluten free helmets and bullet pseudo-proof vests made of recycled cardboard.
Genera Joke “Jell-o” Weakfled was quoted saying “We are proud. Also we are gay how tough our troops now feel, and how this added to the moral of all 743 genders of soldiers that proudly serve the US army. Even Russia, China and Iran officially congratulated us and send us edible arrangements and an ample supply of pink towels!”. “Guantanamo Gay will be the beacon of woke to all armies around the world.”.
In reaction to the announcement, Vladimir Putin was reported to pee his pants from an uncontrolled laughter attack, and in Iran 1012 people were executed because it was a Tuesday. No reports were communicated from China and no one can get hold of any news reporters there for the last four weeks, but the Chines government said “honestly we don’t know anything about it or any virus or anything, we have no clue and it’s not from here anyway so why do you even ask, ha? It’s probably from some frozen pasta from Italy.”.